(This blog might shatter your belief in what Love is by describing what Love is not.) What we think as loving is often the exact opposite. There are many attributes believed to be part of Love creating an ambivalence about its actual meaning.
Love and the body
Love will automatically enter once acts of false love have been removed. Love has absolutely nothing to do with the body, the body is a hindrance to experiencing true Love. Love is in the mind and in the mind only. Sex in most cases really is the acting out of a certain kind of fear and has nothing to do with Love. Love does not judge it, but has no part in physical relationships. The body is a fence we have built to protect and conceal our real identity in which we are One. Oneness is hard to keep when we perceive or mis-perceive ourselves in different bodies. This can be easily realized when being in the NOW in which no body is experienced, in fact it is the opposite, freedom is being present without the body. The body has become the symbol of separation. Look around you, nothing is attached to another. The body is a fence! Do not forget this!
Love in Music
A simple Spotify search on “Love is” reveals that Love is defined in many ways, which really makes Love something to run away from rather than to embrace. The search was unfiltered, therefore touching all music genres. The song titles themselves reveal attributes assigned to Love that are in part extremely unloving. You will see:
- Lyrics that mix up love and hate
- Lyrics with false attributes of love
- Uncertainty of what love is
- Love is expressed as the ultimate
- The lyric describes the function and attributes of Love
The list of examples is very long. Let us start with examples of songs that attach unloving attributes to Love, pointing to Love as something to be avoided, at all cost, unless of course, war, chaos, and death are cherished as worthwhile undertakings.
Above examples show that Love is frail, associated with pain, creates chaos, a game to be played and a war to be led. Love and hate are closely related in these songs. The spotify search of “Love is” displayed twenty song titles, of which fifteen or almost 80% compared Love with completely unloving attributes.
Here is a very simple experiment: Exchange the above song titles with different nouns than Love, and let us see how these titles change their meaning if at all:
What is being said is that there is no difference between Love and Hate, Love and War. Why being so drastic using the word hate? What is not love must be based on its seeming opposite which is Fear, with hating (disliking, being suspicious, distrusting etc.) being an outcome of fear.
In between the rejection and the embracing of Love we will find songs that are asking what love is. 3LAU is asking the question if what he feels is love? Bob Marley is equally unsure about what Love is. Kesha can actually define Love as being a drug, and many others agree. The exact title “Love is a drug” (1) returns 23 different songs from 23 different artists, while “Love is Like a drug” (2) can be found more than 10 times.
The world is upside down, says Dimitri Vegas and Like Mike together with Fedde LeGrand in the “Tales of Tomorrow” and so is the understanding of what Love is. The number of songs that were written about the topic of Love cannot be easily counted.
Here are some added statistics about the usage of the word “love” in lyrics. A detailed analysis of lyrics and love from 60s,70s,80s songs compared to today’s Electronic Dance Music is discussed in a later chapter. It does not come as a surprise to us that many lyrics of EDM songs written by this generation have not only a much more loving content, but also reflect a spiritual understanding that leap frogs the older generation, particularly the baby boomers.
The Beatles used the word Love 613 times in their songs but kept that Love is all we need, the King James Version of the Bible has Love noted less than 400 times, while new Bible translations use the word up to 550 times.
EDM artists like Martin Garrix uses the word Love 44 times in his few songs with lyrics which is 10% of how many times it used in the 1,300 pages of Bible, the ultimate source of the distorted picture of Love’s meaning by giving Love the attribute of fear and hate, which even justified the killing of innocent and all in the name of Love (Martin Garrix).
Love and Millennials
We have noticed though that more Millennials have a built-in knowing of their purpose here than any other generation, including the awareness that everything appears upside-down in this world, a world that is not our home and makes no sense.
There is a knowing of a connectedness that sometimes generate the feeling of Oneness (We are One, Disco Fries) that is often talked about, which we experience every time we are attending a live set, a festival or just do our nightly dance to a playlist. That is why we do it! This is what you came for J! (R3HAB Remix of Calvin Harris’ song).
What is experienced is a universal Love, a Love for all, a knowing that in this moment (Nic Chagall) , there are no problems, no issues, nothing but joy, unity and Love.
Is it Love? (3LAU) It is Love! How do you compare the Love and unity experienced at festivals with the love for your partner, your family, your friends etc. Is there more than one love? No, there is just one Love and that Love really is far from the Love as the world defines it.
Love is not only all you need, Love is also the only state that we are to give to others if we want to be loved based on a universal “law” that Giving is Receiving.
Giving and Receiving
You always teach what and who you are. By giving and receiving Love you are teaching that you are Love. Demonstrate anything that is not loving and you are teaching the world something you are not and do not want to be.
To receive nothing else but Love, we must give nothing else but Love. In giving Love it is extended and increases, not on the outside but on your inside, while in the material world anything given away is now missing or lacking. With material objects, in the world of matter, mind is focused on the lack of resources which in turn creates the craving for possessions to fill this sense of lack. The simplest example is that if I have $5 and spend $2, I will have $3 left.
The act of giving material objects will, in a world of scarcity, always end up with inequality, a winner and a loser, someone with more and less. That is part of duality, we believe everything has an opposite and in between you find many shades of grey.
Love is Mental
Love is not material, it is mental. It is a thought which like every thought leads through its own conviction to an experience. Thoughts are ideas and ideas increase when given away without the perception of loss that occurs in the exchange of material things. If I tell you that you should pray when in need then I will not assume just because I shared my idea prayer that it will reduce the chance of my prayers being answered. The opposite is the case, the thought is strengthened and gains power.
Thoughts /ideas are extended through sharing. Very good examples of this are 12 step programs such as AA, NA etc. The idea that two alcoholics who want to stay sober and kept each other sober came to two people in Akron Ohio which thus created a worldwide organization that still today has the highest rate of success to remain sober despite all progress in medicine and psychology in the past 100 years.
What does that tell us? Two people who join in One intend create a “power surge” so strong that the idea can spread with wings.
Core Question: What is the intend? What is this for? Why?
Every action we perform in any situation has an underlying intent that is either loving or unloving. We all know the true intend of our actions although we all too often deny the true intend to ourselves and others.
But what is loving? There is a phrase called unconditional Love, but although it defines the conditions that would keep Love present, it does not mention any actions that are congruent with Love in contrast to those which we all label “unloving”. A parent might say: “This hurts me more than you”, as the person slaps the child because it has “misbehaved” believing that the attack upon her son is justified and loving. What the child will learn to associate love with pain. There are thousands of daily interactions in which we associate love with feelings that are unloving, anger, pain, shame, guilt, remorse, pain, and our mind just accepts that love is incomplete, not perfect, and not loving.
It is easy to find acts that are very unloving. Shooting someone in the head is not loving.
Consider that the Love we talk about is unconditional and has nothing in it that is not loving, ie. Pain, sacrifice, attack, blame…
All these attributes are not part of Love. Unconditional Love is absolute and has no true opposite.
Conflict splits the NOW
Love accepts because it only seeks and find its own. Love does not judge. All judgment occurs in the present. However, the present was made to enjoy, not to judge.
Oneness or the sense of unity is lost when judgment has occurred, and so is Love. The NOW appears to have been cut into two seeming opposing parts, into good and bad, a separated state out of which conflict must arise.
Conflict resolutions requires a decision. The decision process interrupts the awareness of Love that is only found in the NOW, which is also called joy.
The love mostly found in the world is anything but love, but its seeming counterpart which is called fear, not hate. Fear comes from uncertainty. The mind always strives for resolution and hence requires decisions to reduce uncertainty. In the material world decisions are always between something that is perceived better or worse than its alternative(s). This includes concessions, agreements we made with others including “loved” ones, because they are based on sacrifice and therefore are not loving.
Important to remember about the NOW:
- The NOW runs through time
- The NOW holds no future and no past (Linear time)
- The NOW cuts through time by being available ALWAYS
- The NOW never changes. There is no lack in the NOW and therefore there is no need to change the NOW
- It is in the NOW that enables Love to flow freely and indiscriminately.
- The Now is lost when any thoughts of judgements enter the mind.
Relationship Goals and Compromise
The love of the world is based on a need, which in turn is a belief in lack that something or someone else can fill in a person. If the other person fulfills that role, it may appear to be a very loving relationship, but if the lack is suddenly not covered up any longer because the other has changed behavior, then the love is over and problems enter. True Love does not know conflict, simply because conflict is separating (into different perceptions) which will make one perception true and the other ones false. This means conflicts always end in a winner and a loser, same applies for what is called a “compromise”, but if you look very closely into compromise you will find out that it also constitutes a loss or a sacrifice which again replaces Love with portions that are unloving.
Sacrifice is unloving
Sacrifice cannot be part of Love because sacrifice is based on a split identity: I am doing something I do not like for another person and that is unloving because it is the breeding ground of resentment, even if it is first perceived as small and minor.
If you do not want to do something but you do it for the other person grudgingly, then it cannot be Love as again, there is a winner and a current loser involved and Love knows no loss.
It is not loving to go grudgingly with your partner to an electronic dance festivals if you prefer to listen to the Mississippi Boys Choir. It is not loving to fill each other’s weak points if are ever held against each other. Love is not a weapon, neither is it a battlefield.
How many relationships have been broken off because aspects of the other are evaluated based on the fulfillment of one’s lacks and if these lacks are not covered any longer by a partner, the relationship suddenly becomes disturbing. It is impossible for Love to complete two parts that are depended to be filled by the other person. As long as a lack is perceived, Love cannot enter.
How many relationships are built on Love vs. love? Very few are Love based but this should be the goal of every relationship, true Love. True Love automatically brings Peace, it sets up Unity and has Respect / Acceptance of everything and everyone! This is a true #plurlife, when nothing on the external is judged and only the good is perceived in everything and everyone.
Where do you start if you realize that your relationship still has friction as part of it? Look at what bugs you in the other and know that it is a part of you that you are judging. See the faults in others as pointing to your faults, being a love offering of the other, not an attack.
Accept Love because only by you accepting Love will you be able to give Love. You first must receive before you can give just like you must receive the keys for the car first before you can drive it.
How do we get from love to Love? Next blog. Keep coming back.
(C) 2017 Michael G Vogt